Shibboleth
by Folle
Summary: Sometimes words are all a shinobi can have. NaruSaku.
1. Prologue

Warning: This story contains some specific spoilers and some vague spoilers for manga chapters 290 and up.

* * *

**Shibboleth**

* * *

Prologue

* * *

**shibboleth**: A story in the Bible tells how the pronunciation of the word _shibboleth_ was used by the Gileadites to distinguish between the soldiers of their own army and those of their enemy, the Ephraimites, who were attempting to escape after being routed in battle. _Shibboleth_ in the realm of grammar and usage denotes a word or a use of language that is supposed to distinguish the members of one group—usually the anointed, the educated, the elite—from another group—usually the illiterate, the uneducated, the rabble…

-Merriam-Webster's Dictionary of English Usage

* * *

_If someone were to ask me what it is about Naruto that makes him Naruto, I don't know what I'd say._

_Maybe it's how he never gives up, or how obnoxious he can be, or how everyone seems to come to like him in the end, regardless of all his faults. I know that's how it was with me, because I wouldn't have picked Naruto to be my teammate, wouldn't have imagined becoming his friend, and wouldn't have thought I could care about him the way I do._

_Maybe it's the way he changes people without even knowing it. Neji, Gaara, Hinata, Tsunade, Chiyo, even Sasuke, though I don't think Sasuke will ever admit that. Naruto even got Jiraiya to train him somehow. I'm still not sure how he managed that, or what he did that makes Konohamaru worship him._

_Maybe, when it all comes down to it, it's all about what he says, because Naruto never says anything unless he really means it, like when he promised me he would bring Sasuke back. I know he will, and not just for me, but for him. I trust him._

* * *

It was a place she saw she was going to go now, even if she would never have believed it when she was twelve and all she saw were black eyes and black hair and tragic past and budding genius. She wasn't sure what it all meant, except that things had changed, that they would keep changing.

_(Please, just Sakura. I don't need the –chan._

_If I call you that, then I'll think I can have you like that, because I want you like that, but it would be a lie. Because I can't have you like that.)_

Even Yamato could see what Naruto was doing. It was his way of keeping a wall there, of separating them into something he understood, something that was safe.

And it was hurting them both.


	2. In Media Res

* * *

In Media Res

* * *

_Do I alone hear this melody which, so wondrous and tender in its blissful lament, all-revealing, gently pardoning, sounding from him, pierced me through, rises above, blessedly echoing and ringing around me? _

-Richard Wagner's _Tristan und Isolde_ (English Translation)

* * *

When Sakura returned from her mission, her apartment was dark and quiet, except for a faint rumbling sound coming from her couch. Her first thought was that it belonged to her cat, but her second thought was that it seemed a little too loud for a cat.

She entered the living room to investigate and found it _was_ her cat purring; she just wasn't alone. Naruto was asleep on the couch, Cat on his chest, and they were _both_ purring. Sakura repressed a chuckle.

Cat was not very friendly, and refused to socialize with most of Sakura's friends. It wasn't normally a problem, except when Sakura had to leave Cat alone when she had a mission and one of her friends had to feed Cat while she was gone. Almost every shinobi Sakura's age had done it at least once. Ino and Cat seemed to have agreed to disagree, and while they got along, it was with a sort of mutual dislike. Hinata and Ten Ten Cat was neutral towards, but Sakura felt bad asking them to do it: Ten ten because she was always busy enough and Hinata because she was always so quick to say yes, like she thought Sakura would think poorly of her if she said no. Of course, she would never ask Kiba to do it again; it was clear that Cat hated Kiba as much as Kiba hated Cat when Sakura had returned to find that Kiba had scratches up and down both arms and when Cat had ignored Sakura, only forgiving her after several days and lots of coaxing.

But Naruto Cat loved. Sakura couldn't see what made him different. He was just as loud as Lee, who scared Cat out of her wits with his nice guy pose, which he had given often as he promised Sakura he would "make sure nothing happened to her precious feline while she was fulfilling her duty to her village." When Sakura had returned from that mission, it was to find Cat hiding under the furniture while Lee tried in vain to lure her out with promises of catnip. Naruto had never offered Cat anything of the sort, but the sight of Naruto and Cat purring together gave her a few good guesses as to why Cat could hate Lee but still like Naruto.

Suddenly Naruto cracked open an eye. Sakura smiled to herself; it was good to see that Naruto had some shinobi sense and reacted, albeit belatedly, to her presence. His movement disturbed Cat, who lifted her head and gave a small meow that seemed to imply that Sakura had rudely interrupted something.

"Oi, Sakura-chan. I didn't think you were going to be back tonight." Naruto rubbed his eyes sleepily, his mouth curving into a smile while Cat meowed again, whining peevishly.

"Obviously." Sakura continued to smile and leaned against the door frame, folding her arms across her chest. Naruto laughed sheepishly before offering an explanation.

"I, uh, I came over to feed Cat and she seemed lonely, so I thought I'd stay awhile. Guess I fell asleep." Naruto sat up slowly, cradling Cat to his chest so she wouldn't feel unbalanced.

Sakura snorted a little. One of the reasons she had gotten a cat for a pet was that they were supposed to be a little independent. After all, shinobi couldn't very well have frantic pets destroying their possessions out of distress while their masters were out on missions.

Sakura went to join Naruto on the couch, expecting Cat to jump from his lap to hers and welcome her home. When she didn't, Sakura couldn't help but pout.

"I think she likes you more than she likes me." Sakura sniffed, trying to feign indifference.

"No way, Sakura-chan! She loves you!"

Sakura cocked an eyebrow, noticing how Cat seemed perfectly content where she was. Then Sakura chuckled a little at herself; she supposed she shouldn't be jealous of her _cat_. Naruto ignored Sakura's silent amusement and changed the subject.

"So, how was the Sand?"

"How'd you know that's where I was?"

"Sakura-chan, you smell like the desert," Naruto said like it was an obvious fact, and Sakura found herself wondering when he had honed his sense of smell.

"I _smell_ like the desert? Who are you ? Kiba?" Some unidentifiable emotion flashed across Naruto's eyes before he shrugged his shoulders.

"How's Gaara?"

"I think he's doing really well. You know, sometimes he even seems normal."

Naruto nodded his head while he stroked Cat's fur. Sakura watched him for a moment, suddenly awash in all sorts of emotions, ones she was on the verge of talking about. She stopped herself, though, because she knew how Naruto would react: just like he had every time she tried to bring them up. It was ironic that now that she was finally ready to even consider something like this, he had completely shut himself off. She focused instead on the one emotion she knew wouldn't push Naruto away.

"Thanks for taking care of Cat for me. I would ask Ino to do it, but Cat just really likes you."

"Well, what can I say? I've got irresistible charm!" Naruto laughed at himself and handed Cat to Sakura so he could put his jacket on. The look on Cat's and Sakura's faces matched: surprise and disappointment. Cat meowed a question at Naruto, who stood and stretched before leaning back down to scratch Cat behind the ears. Sakura looked up at him, a question in her eyes as well. He looked away before he spoke.

"Well, guess I'd better be going." He didn't see how Sakura's face fell.

"You don't have to leave, Naruto."

"I don't want to bother you, Sakura-chan."

Sakura wanted to tell him that he wasn't a bother, but that would be crossing that invisible line he had been drawing between them recently. Sakura sighed; it hurt, but she shrugged it off. Naruto turned towards the front door, walking away from her as had become his wont so recently. Before he left, though, she had to ask him something.

"Naruto," she called.

He paused and looked at her over his shoulder. Sakura's eyebrows were pushed upwards in mock disbelief and her head tilted mischievously.

"Do you always purr when you sleep?"

Naruto didn't answer; he only chuckled as he waved at her on his way out the door.

Sakura stayed on the couch with Cat for a long time after he left.

Outside her door, Naruto leaned heavily on a stair rail, feeling a little panic. He had been _purring_? And how had he smelled the sand on her? Naruto grimaced. Things were worse than he had thought.


	3. Past: Subtext

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Past (Tense): Subtext (Underneath the Underneath)

* * *

"…Sakura-chan?" _Please answer this time_.

"I… I wasn't scared _of_ you. I was scared _for_ you." _Why don't you understand?_

"Oh." _It_ _scares me, Sakura-__chan__, that you weren't afraid for yourself. You should__ have__ be__en._

"You… you don't remember any of it?" _You can tell me. I can handle it. You don't have to protect me anymore._

"No." _I remember letting go, giving in. A__nd I remember the rage._

"That's okay. I'm glad." _Why won't you let me in?_

"I'm sorry…" _And I remember you were crying when I woke up_.

"Naruto, we've already talked about this. I _know_ it wasn't you." _It doesn't have to be like this_.

"Yeah, I know." _But I can't forgive myself_.


	4. Conflict

* * *

Conflict

* * *

Sakura stood in the Hokage's office, feeling outnumbered. Tsunade was giving her that look that meant she expected Sakura to be stronger than this, while Yamato and Kakashi stood a little to the side, waiting.

She didn't want to do it. She thought it was a bad suggestion, but Kakashi surely wouldn't have agreed to anything he thought would seriously harm Naruto, and Yamato would be there, so Naruto (not Naruto, she reminded herself, but that _thing_) could be contained if need be. Still, she had a bad feeling about it, and it showed on her face.

"Sakura," Kakashi prompted.

Kakashi, she knew, recognized her expression, and it was his way of asking if she had made a decision. She hadn't, but in then end she supposed she didn't have much choice. Naruto needed to learn how to control the Nine Tails' chakra—to keep the seal intact—and if Kakashi thought this was the best way to train him, she didn't want to argue. After all, he had been trained by the Yondaime, was former ANBU, had more years of field experience, and he was her _sensei_. Didn't he always know best? And yet…

"Sakura, we all know your chakra control is impeccable. Why are you hesitating?" Tsunade's tone was hard yet understanding, as it often was with her pupil. Sakura thought her master knew what the problem was and had only asked because she wanted Sakura to confirm it. Sakura looked from Tsunade to Kakashi.

"What did Naruto say about it?" she asked.

Kakashi lifted his hand to the back of his head and smiled beneath his mask.

"We want to know what you think about it," he replied.

Kakashi wouldn't look Sakura in the eye. So he knew too. If they all knew, she wondered, why were they still asking her? Sakura looked back to Tsunade, hoping that Kakashi's evasive response had been answer enough for her. Tsunade sighed. Sakura looked at the floor before she spoke.

"I know it will upset him if I'm there, and I think that will only hinder his progress."

"Sakura!" Sakura looked up at her master, slightly stunned at the rough reproach in her voice. "He is damaging himself with his behavior. Do you not see this?" Tsunade held Sakura's gaze before Yamato intervened.

"Sakura," his voice was low and more kind than she had ever heard it be before. "Do you remember when you asked me to teach you the submission jutsu?" Sakura nodded her head slowly.

She would never forget that mission; it was sure to remain one of the worst moments in her entire life.

"I can't teach you that, but you still want to help him, right? You can help with this," Yamato-taicho continued.

He seemed earnest enough, but for some reason his words made her angry. She clenched her fists even as she felt tears burn the back of her eyes.

That disaster of a mission had changed a lot of things. Despite the agreement Sakura thought they had renewed about retrieving Sasuke together, Naruto was slowly pushing her away. She was sure it was some sort of misguided attempt at protection, but so far she had been unable to break the wall he was carefully constructing. Tsunade was right. Yamato was right. She desperately wanted to help him, but she wasn't sure how to do so. Now they were offering her a way, and though it felt wrong in all the right places, she was going to take it. She would help him learn chakra control, against his will if necessary. Sakura closed her eyes, keeping the hot tears from leaking out her eyes and turned her head to face the wall, away from her master, her former sensei, and her captain. She nodded once.

"Tell me when and where."

-

The training field where Kakashi and Yamato had been working with Naruto was far away from where Team 7 normally practiced, and Sakura supposed it was for good reason. It would be very dangerous for even shinobi to stumble on them, so of course they had to be a considerable distance from the places civilians just thought about going to. If any civilians saw the flares of demonic chakra Sakura assumed Naruto would inevitably be emitting, there would be trouble.

Yamato's directions had been a bit nebulous, but he had assured her she would find the large clearing easily. At her puzzled look he had added that the land was already severely deformed because it was the place he and Kakashi had helped Naruto develop his devastating Rasenshuriken, so it was unmistakable.

She had planned on arriving a little earlier than they expected, because she wanted to interrupt them while they were doing what they normally did. Though Naruto had mentioned he had been working with Kakashi and Yamato on his chakra control, Naruto hadn't said how, and she didn't dare ask. (She was sure he wouldn't have told her anyway.)

Kakashi and Yamato had been just as vague about the training, only telling her she would be helping Naruto after they were mostly done with what they normally did. That it would be calm, meditative manipulation of chakra. She was just supposed to help him fine tune his control. Though Yamato and Kakashi hadn't said it, she thought they were probably hoping he would get the ability to siphon off miniscule amounts of chakra from the Nine Tails, instead of the overwhelming amounts he normally pulled. So she had to wonder what kind of training Yamato and Kakashi did with him. The lack of information made her suspicious, and so here she was, hiding carefully in the trees.

She felt a large burst of chakra and knew she was close. She could see the clearing up ahead through the trees, so she slowed her pace. She stopped at the trees' edge and took in the large open space ahead of her. There were several crater-like indentions in the uneven field, and there was a waterfall cascading over a cliff at the far end.

She was too far away to hear exactly what they were saying, but she could see Kakashi was talking while Naruto and Yamato listened. Then Kakashi nodded and all three men braced themselves. Sakura only 

wondered why for a moment before the horrible realization dawned on her. She watched with wide eyes as Naruto stilled, like he was listening to something only he could hear. Nothing happened for a moment, and then she could see how his whisker marks had elongated. Kakashi was speaking again, but Sakura could tell Naruto wasn't listening. Naruto fell to his knees and dug his hands into the dirt. Sakura could see his body was shaking from stress. An inhuman growl escaped Naruto's throat. Without thinking, Sakura ran forward. Before she reached them, however, Kakashi placed a small slip of paper on Naruto's forehead and he promptly fell unconscious, his body lying slack in the dirt. Sakura kept running towards them and was soon close enough to make out their words.

"…better this time. He held out longer," Yamato was saying to Kakashi. Kakashi nodded his assent as Sakura reached them.

"You're early, Sakura," Kakashi commented dryly.

He did not seem to be at all surprised, which was what Sakura would have known she had expected if she had been thinking about it, but she was concerned with only Naruto. She rolled him over so he wasn't lying face down and checked his pulse.

"Sensei, what did you do?" she asked a little worriedly.

"That's a seal on his forehead, one that Jiraiya-sama made. It represses the demon's chakra." Kakashi gave Sakura a small, reassuring smile. "He'll be waking up soon."

As if on cue, Naruto's eyes fluttered open and he sat up, breathing heavily. Because she was so close, Sakura knew she was the first thing he saw as he opened his eyes. Confusion diffused over his face.

"Sakura-chan?"

"Hi, Naruto."

Sakura smiled, but it wasn't entirely genuine. He caught that, and at that moment Sakura knew it was a mistake for her to be there. She opened her mouth to speak, but she bit back her words at the last moment because Kakashi was right there, ready to take the seal off. Sakura dropped her gaze and backed away while Kakashi removed the seal from Naruto's forehead. Naruto glared angrily at Kakashi.

"Why is she here? I told you no."

Sakura's eyes grew wide at the revelation, then narrowed in comprehension. So this was why Kakashi hadn't answered her question back in the Hokage's office. Kakashi just closed his eyes tiredly.

"There's nothing to worry about. Sakura is just going to give you some tips about precision control."

Naruto was not pacified. He stood quickly and Sakura knew he was full of argument.

"_No_," he growled lowly.

"We'll still be here," Yamato reminded him.

"I. Said. No."

Kakashi put a hand to his forehead. Sakura understood his frustration well. She stood.

"Naruto," she warned.

Naruto turned towards her. To her surprise his eyes were not the familiar, soft blue she found so comforting, but rather they were hard and cold, like ice. They seemed to thaw, however, as he looked at her. She held on to his gaze, trying to communicate all the things she didn't know how to say. It wasn't enough though, because after only a moment his eyes slid past her to the trees beyond her, freezing up again as they did. Sakura tensed.

"Don't," she tried again.

Naruto's eyes came back to her for a split second, and then he was gone. Sakura heard Kakashi groan in the background as she rushed off after Naruto.

-

When Sakura finally caught up to him, they were both furious. Naruto whirled on her, ready with a thousand things to say, but Sakura was faster.

"How dare you, Naruto! How dare you do to me what he did! What he did to us!" Sakura spit the words out like they were distasteful.

The comparison didn't sit well with Naruto. His pupils had become slits and they were starting to turn red, but Sakura had to continue. She had to show him that she could handle this.

"You have no idea what you're talking about! He left for him, not for you! I'm just trying to protect you!"

"And what about you?! Do you think that's it's just your lot in life to not be happy? That you don't deserve happiness because of who you are? I'm trying, Naruto, to give you all the things you deserve! But you won't let me! I hate it! I hate this attitude! I hate what you're doing to yourself for me!"

Naruto's eyes were all red now, and she knew red chakra would start leaking out of him at any moment, yet she was determined to push on.

Naruto knew it too, though he was starting to lose coherency. Kyuubi was calling…

"Sakura, you have to leave! NOW!"

Naruto tried to calm down, but the angry feelings had already done their damage. His mind was a whirlwind, and the familiar deep hatred and thirst for destruction and blood were rising like bile. He tried to concentrate on Sakura, but it was too hard. The image of her pink hair and smiling face were demolished by the red chakra flooding his consciousness.

"Naruto, fight this! I _know_ you can. I'm not leaving!" Sakura countered. She wasn't going to back down.

Naruto was struggling to retain even a semblance of control, and Sakura's words didn't seem to have any effect on him, except to increase his fear exponentially, which loosened the seal even more. He could only think that Sakura would be killed and it would be his fault… Why wouldn't she leave? The only response he got was a surge of excitement from the Kyuubi at the mention of death. Kyuubi was closer now, gleefully shredding Naruto's consciousness to almost nothing, and soon the only thing he really recognized was the that for some reason the pink-haired human girl in front of him was about to die.

Before he could give over to basic instinct, however, something happened. Something that made him a little more human for just a moment: a hand on his face and tears in that girl's eyes and whispered words on her lips.

"Please, Naruto, don't leave me behind."

That slight pause was enough. Kakashi, who seemed to have appeared from nowhere, slapped the seal on Naruto's forehead, and Yamato caught Naruto's unconscious body from behind. They had followed. Sakura couldn't pretend to be surprised.

"Sakura!" Kakashi chastised, angry and frightened that she had put herself in so much danger, "what were you thinking, coming after him?!"

"Don't, sensei." All the softness Sakura had just used with Naruto was gone. "Don't tell me I can't come after him. Don't you ever tell me I can't!" She looked at Kakashi, her own eyes full of a fury he had never seen in her before. He reeled back from her, surprised.

Yamato was also a little shocked, though it was easier for him to hide since he wasn't as emotionally attached to Sakura and Naruto as Kakashi was. However, before he could think about it too much, Naruto was groaning, trying to open his eyes.

"Sa… Sakura-chan…"

"Naruto, you idiot!" Sakura hissed before turning around and stalking off.

Kakashi looked from one of his students to the other before his eyes settled on Sakura's retreating back.

"Sakura," Kakashi tried.

His only answer was the sound of a tree shattering under a furious fist. Sakura didn't come back.

Naruto, fully awake now, was looking in the direction she had left, tumult in his eyes. Kakashi shook himself. His team was falling apart again, though for entirely different reasons than before.

Yamato and Kakashi took Naruto to the Hokage's office. Sakura was nowhere to be found.


	5. Conversation

* * *

Conversation

* * *

When they entered the room, Tsunade's eyes immediately narrowed. Kakashi had decided it might be best to leave the seal on Naruto's forehead, considering his emotional state. When she realized this, the Godaime slammed her first on her desk and swore.

"Where is Sakura?" Kakashi shook his head and Tsunade swore some more. She looked out her window and over the village for a few minutes. When she faced them again, she was quieter. "Naruto, have you calmed down?" He nodded his head sullenly, but refused to look up. "Take the seal off, Kakashi," the Godaime directed. Kakashi slowly peeled it away from Naruto's headband. Naruto continued to stare at the floor, and Tsunade approached him. "Naruto." Tsunade received no response. "Naruto, look at me." Naruto looked up, but not at Tsunade. He had turned his face to the side. Tsunade sighed. _Stubborn_, she thought. "Naruto. Go find Sakura and explain yourself." Naruto whipped his head around, defiance in his eyes.

"What?! Are you cra—" Before he could finish Tsunade cut him off.

"Naruto! You _will_ remain calm." Naruto held her gaze, and she watched in silence as his defiance slowly ebbed. He turned his head again before it had all gone. Tsunade thought for a moment that he wouldn't argue. She was wrong.

"No. I won't put her in danger." His quiet words were backed by the strongest emotion she knew he possessed, so instead of arguing with Naruto, Tsunade addressed Kakashi.

"Give me that seal, Kakashi." When the Godaime had it in her hand, she ordered Kakashi and Yamato out of the room. They left silently, wordlessly agreeing to wait just outside the door. Tsunade watched them go.

When they had closed the door after them, Tsunade approached Naruto and smoothed the seal on his forehead. She let her hand linger for a moment.

"I trust you, Naruto, but I don't want you to feel like you have to hold back. Do you understand?" Naruto nodded. "Good. Now, sit down. We're going to talk about this."

Naruto sat in a chair in front of the Hokage's desk while Tsunade sat in her chair behind it. Tsunade sighed again, feeling infinitely older than she had the day before. She didn't say anything for a long time. She wanted to give Naruto the opportunity to speak his mind, but he was uncharacteristically silent. Eventually Tsunade rubbed her temples and gave in.

"You three are so much like my team was it hurts." She searched Naruto's face for any response, but none was forthcoming. Tsunade snorted softly. "An idiot, a genius, and a pretty, angry girl. The Sandaime had a bad sense of humor, putting you three together." Naruto shifted but said nothing. Tsunade knew it probably wouldn't be good to discuss Sasuke now, but it was inevitable. "Orochimaru turned out to be the biggest idiot of all, just like Sasuke." Naruto glared at her as he tensed up.

"Sasuke is not an idiot! And he's nothing like Orochimaru!"

"Naruto, don't be so naïve. You are not a child. Open your eyes and recognize him for what he is!"

"I know what he is! He's my comrade, my best friend, and a member of our village!" Naruto's reasoning reminded her of what Jiraiya had told her long ago about their own treacherous teammate, so she answered in kind.

"What kind of best friend tries to kill you? Believe me, Naruto, I know how painful it is when your teammate turns on you."

"If you're gonna tell me to give up on Sasuke, don't bother. Ero-sennin already told me about that." Naruto looked at her accusingly. "You guys gave up on your teammate, but I won't give up on mine."

"Do you think anything would have changed if we hadn't?" Naruto glared at her, refusing to concede the point. "You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved."

"I don't care! I made a promise and I'll _drag_ him back here if I have to!"

"Fine. Bring him back Naruto, just don't expect him to be what he once was. Sasuke made a choice. He sacrificed everything good in his life for something as petty as power. He left you behind on purpose, you and Sakura, because he wants that power more than he wants what you three had." Tsunade could see how her words bit into Naruto, raw and painful and deep. He didn't want to hear them, she knew, but she was trying to help him, just like Jiraiya had tried. Neither one wanted their past mistakes to be repeated. "Is this just about a promise, Naruto?" She scrutinized him carefully.

"No…"

"Then what? Why is it so important to you?"

"He's… he's the only brother I've ever had." Tsunade nodded, reassured. Because this wasn't the discussion she had planned on having with him, she didn't try to pursue it any further. After a few minutes Naruto unknowingly obliged her unspoken request and changed the subject for her.

"Did Ero-sennin love you too?" Tsunade looked at him sharply.

"What?"

"You said we're just like you were." Tsunade face twisted into one of wry amusement. She leaned back into her chair and closed her eyes, muttering something that sounded like "_P__erverted old toad__." _When she opened her eyes again, she was looking at Naruto differently than before. Instead of answering the question, she asked one.

"Is that how you feel about Sakura?" Naruto nodded slowly, and Tsunade decided this was because she was the closest thing he had to any kind of mother figure, so he felt it was okay to tell her. Besides, judging by the look on his face, he thought she already knew. "I see. So, you want to keep her away from you to protect her, is that it?" Naruto nodded again. Tsunade crossed her arms and made a distinct sound of disapproval. "You're being a complete idiot then." Naruto, incensed, jumped out of his chair.

"What am I supposed to do?! I can't even—" Naruto stopped himself forcefully and pounded his fists on Tsunade's desk. He sat back down with a controlled slowness that was betrayed by his shaking fists and folded his arms. "It doesn't matter; it isn't the same. Ero-sennin isn't a monster." Any lightness Tsunade had felt left immediately.

"Naruto!" He barely reacted to the sudden anger in her tone. "Don't you ever call yourself that again, do you understand?!"

"Why not?" He countered bitterly. "It's true. I would have hurt her if Kakashi-sensei and Yamato-taichou hadn't shown up. Just like before…" Tsunade almost asked what he was talking about when she remembered how Sakura had returned from _that_ mission with new scars on her upper arm, scars that looked like the swipe of claws.

"Listen to me. You will gain control of yourself with training and that will never happen again. In fact, I think now is a good time to start practicing." Tsunade stood up and walked around her desk to where Naruto was slumped in his chair and peeled the seal from his forehead before repeating her earlier command. "Go find Sakura and explain yourself." Naruto stared at her, the fear in his eyes wild and painful. "That's an order." When he didn't respond, her eyes softened. "You'll have to work as hard at this as anything you've ever worked for, but it's worth it. Go."

He stood slowly, as if he was in a daze, and shuffled dejectedly out the door without looking at her again. Tsunade watched him go, contemplating all the things he had said. Then she called Kakashi, who appeared almost as soon as he was summoned.

"Kakashi, find Jiraiya and tell him I want to talk to him. Now."

"Yes, Hokage-sama." Tsunade collapsed in her chair then, rubbing her temple.

"And Kakashi? Tell Yamato he's free to go. Once you bring Jiraiya back, you can go too. I won't need you until tomorrow." Kakashi nodded before heading off.


	6. Interlude: The Family He Never Had

* * *

Interlude: The Family He Never Had

* * *

Jiraiya was not in the best of moods upon receiving Tsunade's summons. His research had been going so well… Well, whatever the old woman wanted he assumed it must have been important for her to be working so late.

His suspicions were confirmed when he entered her office and took in Tsunade's tense posture. He tried to lighten the mood.

"Just had to see me, eh? Aren't you a little old to be having secret trysts with your teammate?" Tsunade snorted in response, but she smiled a little. However, her tone was serious when she rebuked him.

"Now is not the time, Jiraiya." The Toad Hermit settled himself in the chair Naruto had so recently vacated.

"Well then, what's going on?" Tsunade didn't speak immediately, but began fidgeting with some loose sheets of paper on her desk. Jiraiya watched her with a frown; Tsunade didn't fidget. He began to think whatever it was was more serious than he thought.

"Jiraiya…" It had been a long time since Tsunade had said his name in that tone, that way that meant she wanted to cry but couldn't, that way she had spoken when Dan died and when her little brother had been taken by the war. To Jiraiya it was a clear sign that whatever had upset her so much had something to do with Naruto, because he was the only person she had given that necklace to who was still alive."He called himself a monster."

Jiraiya was too surprised to say anything for a moment. Then the surprise was replaced by revulsion. "Where is he getting that drivel?" Something caught in Tsunade's throat and it sounded like a sob. Jiraiya leaned forward, looking closely at his old friend. There were no tears, but Tsunade was shaking the tiniest bit so he reached a hand across her desk to hold one of hers and gave it a squeeze. The pressure seemed to reassure her a little, and Jiraiya pulled his hand away after a moment.

"I don't know… It's doesn't seem like he's repeating something. It's more like that's how he really sees himself now." Tsunade sighed suddenly and smiled, though it didn't really make her look happy. "He asked me if you were in love with me." Tsunade didn't look at him while she said it, but she continued to fidget with her paper. She laughed a little, but it wasn't real laughter. There was too much sorrow and regret. There was a pause. "Is that why this hurts so much? Because he's like my nephew, my little brother, my son sometimes?" She looked to Jiraiya for confirmation. He nodded his head slowly.

"I've begun to think of him as the annoying grandson I never had." Jiraiya chuckled before returning to gravity. "I regret that Minato is not here to see the man he is becoming." Tsunade's smile faded.

"I don't think this is what Minato wanted for him."

"No, not this way." They both sat in silence then, lost in the past they couldn't change. Jiraiya was the first to speak. "Do you know I taught him to use the fox's chakra?" Tsunade shook her head. "I pushed him off a cliff in the end, because it seemed only mortal danger was enough to access it. It was the first time he consciously used it. Funny thing is, while we were gone those two years, he finally told how he did it." Tsunade raised a curious eyebrow. "He said he asked for it."

"Asked for it? Does that mean that demon talks to him?" Jiraiya could only shrug.

"That's all he's ever said about it. But I don't think he asks for it now; otherwise he would have more control." Jiraiya paused and the air grew tense, as if it were waiting. "The Kyuubi is intelligent, dangerously so. I think when it sees an opportunity to get out, it takes it."

"What does that mean for us? For him?"

"I'm not sure. But the way Minato made the seal… I think the Nine Tails' chakra is starting to mix with Naruto's. That's why he's so feral sometimes." Tsunade put a hand to her eyes.

"He's been getting more feral lately. Sakura mentioned that he _purrs_ when he sleeps." Jiraiya cocked an eyebrow mischievously.

"How would she know that?" he couldn't help asking. Tsunade waved her hand tiredly.

"You old pervert. Don't think that about them. Dumb kid thinks he's a monster, remember? He's not going to get _that_ close." Jiraiya chuckled anyway.

"So, how did you answer his question?"

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"Don't you remember? He asked about you and me." Tsunade snorted.

"Don't flatter yourself, old man." Jiraiya's eyes crinkled in amusement at Tsunade's blunt reply. When she said things like that, he was reminded of how she had been when she was younger… when they were younger… The similarities between him and Naruto were so ironic, when he thought about it. And even though Jiraiya could not say the same for himself, he hoped Naruto didn't let his chance slip away while he still had it. Tsunade's voice shook him from his thoughts. "He needs more training on control."

"And he's getting it. Kakashi and Yamato are doing a good job." Tsunade looked at him, letting him see the doubt she would show to no one else. If she wanted reassurance, Jiraiya had enough confidence to give it. "It will take time, Tsunade, especially if the nature of his chakra is changing." Tsunade snorted softly and folded her arms. After a few minutes she let her arms relax.

"Maybe it's time to tell him the truth." She looked pointedly at Jiraiya. "About his father. About the Fourth.

"And I suppose you expect me to tell him."

"You just said you thought of him as your grandson."

"I do."

"Then what's the problem?" Here Jiraiya sobered quickly.

"Wouldn't you find it hard, watching yourself?

"What do you mean?"

"I mean he was right to ask about you and me."

"Jiraiya…" Tsunade's tone was one of warning, reminding him that he wasn't supposed to have those feelings for her anymore. He didn't know how to tell her he had been trying to rid himself of those emotions for years to no avail, but he put a smile on his face anyway.

"Lucky for him there's no Dan." Tsunade glared at him reproachfully, but there was sorrow in the reproach, so Jiraiya let it go. "Telling him the Fourth is his father will not help him with his chakra control."

"I know, but he deserves the truth, doesn't he?" she asked him while staring at her hands. Jiraiya frowned. There was something she wasn't saying.

"Tsunade, what's this really about?" Tsunade sighed heavily and Jiraiya leaned forward to catch her words.

"I don't want them to end up like us."

"Like us? Are we so terribly unhappy?" Tsunade stood up quickly in frustration and moved to a window, facing away from Jiraiya.

"We're not young anymore, no matter how we pretend. " She turned around again to look at him, her arms wrapped around herself. "I… I shouldn't have left after Dan died. I should have stayed. " She did not say it, but "_with you_" was still there. Jiraiya stood also, making his way to stand next to her.

"The past is the past. I hold no grudges." Tsunade did not reply and they stood side by side in silence, watching the village below them. After a few minutes Jiraiya placed a hand on Tsunade's shoulder. "They'll figure it out. Sakura won't give up on him, and Naruto won't hold out much longer." Tsunade nodded, a look of determination on her face. "Although," Jiraiya added, "perhaps if she looked more like you in certain, uh, areas…"

"Pervert!" Tsunade shouted as she punched his shoulder. Jiraiya winced and rubbed his arm, but Tsunade was smiling.


	7. Shall I Listen?

* * *

Shall I Listen?

* * *

Naruto hadn't been able to bring himself to find Sakura, despite what Tsunade had told him. Instead of finding her, he had wandered around Konoha, avoiding all the places people usually went. He was good at that, finding the deserted places, because he had done it so often as a child. Eventually he had found himself at the top of the Hokage's monument, on top of the Yondaime's head. He sat there, hardly moving, prepared to keep vigil for hours, just gazing at the Village Hidden in the Leaves spread out before him, full of life that he felt had never completely included him.

He didn't know why he had gone there. The Yondaime was a powerful influence in his life, he knew, but it didn't really make sense. He knew so little about the man who had given him such a terrible power at the ultimate price. No one talked about him much except to say that he had saved the village and that he was a genius. He had learned the Yondaime's Rasengan technique, but what else did he know now that he hadn't known before? Jiraiya was surprisingly tight-lipped about his former student. Naruto didn't know why, but it struck him as wrong.

He couldn't put it in to words, but it was like Jiraiya wanted to tell Naruto a lot of things. The problem was that he didn't. Often Jiraiya looked at him like he was looking at someone else, like Naruto was a dead person come to life again, and suddenly Jiraiya would turn a little, like he was trying to see Naruto from a different angle just to be sure, and then the moment would be over, with no words—none at all— to give Naruto any clue as to what these moments could mean. The only time Naruto had asked, Jiraiya had pretended like he hadn't heard, and oddly enough Naruto, for once, had given up completely on something after his first failed attempt. Something had told him it was more fruitless than any other endeavor he had ever put himself into.

It didn't stop him from wondering, though. He had a lot of questions, questions he had never asked, questions he never expected answers for. Why, for instance, had the Yondaime put the Kyuubi inside of him and not some other child? And where had his parents been? Had they just left him for the demon to consume?

He didn't like thinking of these things. As a child his thoughts had often wandered to his parents, but as he had gotten older he told himself it didn't matter who they were and tried not to think about it. Most often he succeeded, but at times like this, he failed miserably.

While he was sitting and thinking what he could about his parents and the Yondaime, it began to rain, heavily, but he hardly noticed. He continued to sit, letting the rain drench him until his clothes were sticking to every bit of skin they touched and his hair was dripping in his eyes.

He told himself, like he had so many times before, that his parents didn't matter because he still had people that cared about him: Iruka, theThird (Naruto still counted him even though he was gone), Jiraiya, Tsunade, Kakashi, most of his Academy classmates, Gaara, and… Sakura. Sakura with pink hair, Sakura who had become his best friend, Sakura who meant more to him than he was capable of understanding. Normally thoughts of his favorite teammate cheered him inexplicably, but at that moment it only brought feelings he was trying to convince himself he didn't want anymore. Why was it so hard to be with her now? He thought knew the answer to this question; he just didn't want to think about it. But he had to. Tsunade had told him to explain himself, and part of him wanted to, because part of him felt awful about what he was trying to do.

Naruto cursed his fate, like he had so many times before, but this time, he specifically blamed the Yondaime for giving him something he didn't know how to control. Something that had the whole village so scared of him they pushed him away, something that had him so scared he was pushing _her_ away after finally gaining her trust and affection.

Night fell while he sat in the rain and lights twinkled to life in the village below him. He watched them until they too, were mostly distinguished. And then he knew it was time, so he stood, making his way through the soggy streets until he reached her apartment. Before he left the monument, however, he stopped to look back at the Yondaime's carved face, questions lingering unasked and unanswered between them.

-

Sooner than he liked he was standing in front of her door, dripping and telling himself it was okay to knock. He stood there for fifteen minutes before he lost his nerve. He turned from her door, regretting that he was leaving a puddle as evidence he had been there. Before he went too far, however, the door was thrown open and Sakura was standing there with a strange look on her face, holding the door knob so tightly her knuckles were white. She was wearing a loose sweatshirt and cotton shorts, but she obviously hadn't been asleep, even if her hair was a little disheveled. He looked at her over his shoulder, suddenly wishing he hadn't come at all. What Tsunade had asked was too hard, too much. Sakura eyed him warily, tiredly. She wasn't furious like before, but she was still mad, and she was… He wouldn't think about what else she might be feeling. She opened the door wider, gesturing for him to come inside. He sighed and did what she silently asked because he couldn't think of anything else to do.

He stood just inside the door, hoping she would tell him to leave after she saw how wet he was. She shut the door behind him and paused before turning around to face him. Naruto made himself look her in the eyes and was surprised to find she looked like she wanted to cry. He quickly looked away then, because he didn't want to know why, couldn't know why. From the corner of his eye he watched as one of her hands brushed his wet hair off his forehead. Then she withdrew her hand and he knew she was looking up at him, searching his face. Naruto, try as he might, couldn't find any words, so instead of protesting, he silently let her take him by the hand and lead him further into her apartment. He sucked in his breath sharply when she stopped in front of her bathroom.

"Take a hot shower. I don't want you to get sick. And put your clothes outside the door so I can put them in dryer." She dropped his hand and pushed him gently towards the bathroom door.

"Sakura-chan, you know I don't really get sick, and even if I did it wouldn't last long." Naruto sounded petulant even to himself and he winced when he saw the look on Sakura's face.

"I don't care. Just because you heal quickly doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. No one likes being sick, Naruto." As usual, he had a hard time arguing with her logic, so he moved to do as he was asked. Besides, he wasn't sure if she meant it still hurt him when he was sick or if she meant it still hurt her. As he entered the bathroom, she gave him a tentative smile, pleased that he hadn't continued the argument.

"I'll make some tea." He nodded before shutting the bathroom door. He peeled off his wet clothing, and then scooted the soggy pile it made out the door with his foot.

Sakura's bathroom was very Sakura: girly and simple. Her shower curtain had patterns of small red flowers he didn't recognize. Maybe he would ask her what they were. Maybe. Once he had the water on, he let it run down his back while he examined what she kept in her shower. She had two sets of shampoo, three razors, a bar of soap, a bottle of body wash, a bottle of face wash, and some sort of scrubbing tool. Naruto would have found it comical (he used one bar of soap for everything) if it had been any other day but that day.

The hot water felt good on his skin after the cool rain. He savored the feeling, standing with his eyes closed while he took slow breaths of the steamy air. Then, because he was still delaying in every small way possible, he picked one of the shampoo bottles, squeezed a small amount of a creamy yellow liquid into his palm, and washed his hair. It smelled like honey, and suddenly he knew why Sakura always smelled the way she did.

When he was done with his hair he stood under the water for five minutes more before deciding Sakura might just burst into the bathroom if he took too long. He turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. He found a towel in the cupboard under the sink and rubbed himself off. After he was dry, he stood unsurely, trying to decide whether or not Sakura would be offended if he left the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist. He didn't have to think for long, though, because Sakura was knocking on the door.

"Are you covered? I've got your clothes." In response Naruto opened the door. Sakura handed him his clothes while she spoke. "The tea's just about ready, if you want some." Then she left again, shutting the door behind her. He took it as his cue to dress quickly. The clothes were still warm and deep down he was glad Sakura insisted he be dry. He felt slightly better than he had before, even if it only physically.

When he stepped into the kitchen a few minutes later, Sakura was sitting at her small table, staring into her cup. Naruto sat next to her and wordlessly took the other cup of tea she had set on the table. He drank the tea quickly, letting its warmth pool in his stomach.

He wanted to explain himself, he really did. There just didn't seem to be words. He could feel that she wanted an explanation too, because her hurt was almost palpable. He just didn't know how to justify the fact that he was pushing her away so that she would understand it. Naruto cursed his inadequacy, but it didn't help him to know what to say. The silence stretched between them, punctuated only by the slight sounds of Sakura drinking her tea. After a few minutes it overwhelmed him and he abruptly left the kitchen, leaving his empty cup on the table beside Sakura's hand.

He went to her living room and sat on her couch. Cat came slinking into the room, her tail swishing behind her. She jumped onto the couch and climbed into his lap. She attempted to look nonchalant, but she ruined it by licking Naruto's arm a little, letting him know she wanted attention. Naruto scratched between her ears absent-mindedly. He had hoped that Sakura would follow him in and start a conversation somehow, but she hadn't and so the silence remained.

He could hear Sakura putting the tea things away in the kitchen and for some reason he felt intensely disgusted with himself. They both knew they had things to talk about, but he knew it was his responsibility to instigate the conversation. He reminded himself that he was a man now and he shouldn't run when the going got tough. Gently he pushed Cat off his lap and returned to the kitchen. Cat, looking a little affronted, followed while trying to pretend she wasn't.

Naruto paused in the doorway of the kitchen, watching Sakura silently. She looked up after a moment and tried to smile at him, but he could tell what she really wanted to do was cry. Again. His self-disgust tripled and brought with it remorse that made him feel worse than he had before, so he made up his mind to leave. He was sure now that Tsunade had been wrong to ask this of him. It was painful for both of them, and they were cracking under the weight of it all.

"Thanks for the tea, and for letting me use your shower, but I think I'd better go."

"No!" The quickness of her response caused them both to pause. "I mean, can't you just stay here tonight? You'll get all wet again." Naruto looked at her skeptically. She sighed and looked down at the floor before looking back at him. "Please."

As if to echo Sakura's words, Cat was meowing plaintively at his feet. Naruto looked down at Sakura's cat, who was rubbing his legs, before he looked back at Sakura.

"Are you sure about this?" Sakura bit her lip and nodded her head.

"I'll… go get some blankets." Naruto nodded and she strode past him, heading down the hallway that led to her room. He returned to the living room to wait and collapsed onto the couch. Cat joined him a moment later, intent on making him her bed for the night.

When Sakura returned a few minutes later, her arms were full of blankets and pillows. Naruto sat up and took them from her. She continued to stand, looking uncertain.

"Thanks." Naruto told her. He knew she was waiting for him to say something else, so he tried and failed. He tried again. When nothing happened, Sakura looked crestfallen. For a moment the only sound came from Cat's purring.

"Goodnight, Naruto." Sakura murmured softly. She turned away from him, walking slowly towards her own room.

Naruto watched her careful steps until she disappeared from view. When he could see that she had turned off the light in her room, he spread the blankets around him and put a pillow behind his head.

-

He didn't know how long he had been lying there, but his restlessness had long since caused Cat to seek a more stable bed. He had tossed and turned to no avail: he couldn't sleep. He considered leaving and returning to his own apartment, but he knew Sakura would probably wake up and hear him go out the door. Or, if she didn't wake up, when she got up in the morning and found him gone, she would be all kinds of mad and hurt, so he decided against it. Besides, he reasoned, his lumpy mattress wouldn't be any more comfortable than Sakura's couch, so there really was no point. He ignored the fact that the reason he couldn't sleep had absolutely nothing to do with the comfort of his bed.

It was still raining, so he tried concentrating on the steady pitter-patter sounds on the roof instead. The constant noise began to relax him and his restlessness was gradually soothed. He could feel his eyes closing…

He must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew cold hands were worming their way between his chest and the warmth of the blankets and he was sitting up before he was fully awake. He opened his eyes groggily to find Sakura had tried to climb onto the couch with him. She had succeeded in getting so close that she was practically in his lap. Her hands were twisted in his shirt, and tears dripped from her chin.

"Sakura-chan, what're you doing?" Her hair had fallen into her face, so Naruto couldn't really see it. She tightened her hold on his shirt, like she was waiting for Naruto to pull away at any moment.

"Promise me, Naruto, that you won't run away from me again." Her words were soft but determined, and her voice didn't crack even though she was crying. Naruto's eyes widened; this was not what he was expecting. He swallowed uncomfortably.

"I can't."

"Why not?! You've promised me so many things so easily! Why is this so different?" She turned her face upwards and Naruto could see she was angry again.

He had wanted to talk earlier. Tsunade told him to tell her. And here she was asking him what the problem was. He hadn't wanted it to be this way, with both of them feeling so vulnerable. He had wanted to come off strong and aloof, so she wouldn't argue, but he wasn't feeling that way at all. He felt more like crying.

"Because… because I'm scared that I'll hurt you next time I… next time Kyuubi takes over. It's getting worse, and my control is…" Naruto looked at her helplessly. "I just want to protect you from that."

"I don't want protection. I want _you_." Naruto felt himself stiffen. _What?_

"Sakura-chan, are you sure you're awake?" He couldn't help but ask as he pushed her hair away from her face to get a better look. She wasn't acting like herself. Sakura pounded his chest with one of her fists.

"Of course I am! Now promise me." She looked up at him, pleading tenderness in her bright green eyes. Naruto gulped. Why did she have to make this harder than it already was?

"I want to, Sakura, but I—" Sakura interrupted him before he could finish.

"Don't say it. Don't say you can't! And don't say this isn't like Sasuke. He left us, and now you're trying to leave me too. I don't need to be left behind! Can't you see that?" She searched his eyes and Naruto felt something deep inside him breaking. "You mean more to me than anyone. I want to help you. Why won't you let me?" Naruto couldn't deny that he wanted this too, that he had wanted this for a long time. He looked away from her eyes to keep from cracking.

"I'm so dangerous…" Sakura gave a strangled snort of laughter in reply, and it quickly turned into a sob. Naruto looked back at her reflexively.

"I can't stand it when you say things like that. I need you, Naruto, and you need me. I'm not going anywhere. Don't you trust me that I can handle it?" He tried to look away, but he couldn't. As much as he didn't want to admit it, she was right. He was being selfish. She wasn't a helpless little girl; she was a strong ninja, a warrior just like he was, and she was the only person who had ever offered him something like this. "I _need_ you." She repeated, and buried her face in his neck. He felt tears in his eyes, but he didn't care because he knew she would understand. He put his arms around her in a fierce hug, holding her close.

"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan." He whispered into her hair. He said it again and again, giving her the promise she asked for, until he felt her relax. Naruto leaned back and Sakura gave him a brilliant smile. He returned it. Sakura sighed contentedly before falling forward to put her head on his chest, and he could feel that the smile was still on her face. He knew it was her way of telling him something she couldn't say with words, something about how she knew exactly what she was getting into and she wasn't afraid.

Cat, who had returned, jumped onto the couch. Sakura lifted her head when she felt the couch dip behind her and rotated in Naruto's lap till her back was to his chest so she could look at her pet. Cat meowed tentatively at them before she began to purr. Sakura laughed lightly then leaned back, fitting her head between Naruto's shoulder and chin before pulling Naruto's blankets around them both. Naruto was surprised in spite of himself.

"Uh… Sakura-chan…" Sakura folded his arms around her middle.

"I'm staying with you." The honey scent of Sakura's hair filled Naruto's nostrils and he found he had no strength left to argue, so he relaxed, letting the feeling of Sakura's nearness encompass his consciousness. Cat settled at their feet and slowly her purring deepened until Naruto knew she was asleep, because he was beginning to emit a similar purr.

When Naruto next woke, sunlight was streaming through the window in the kitchen. Cat was long gone, but Sakura's heavy warmth still covered his torso. Sakura had turned her head in her sleep so that her nose was touching his cheek, and Naruto thought he must have been leaning into her touch because his neck was stiff. He didn't care, however, because for the first time in his life, he felt whole.

It was then that he decided that perhaps Tsunade had known what she was talking about all along.


	8. Epilogue

* * *

Epilogue

* * *

And suddenly Kakashi's team was no longer falling apart. In fact, the two youngest members seemed closer than ever.

It was in the way that Sakura always agreed when Naruto suggested getting ramen. It was in the way that Sakura's voice sometimes lingered on the last syllable of Naruto's name when Sakura thought Naruto wasn't paying attention to her. It was in the way that Naruto no longer objected to having Sakura participate in his training. It was in the way that Sakura knew exactly what to say to keep Naruto calm (and keep the demon caged) when Kakashi didn't. And it was in the way that Naruto didn't speak to anyone in the entire village except Sakura for three days after Jiraiya told him about his parents.

-

Kakashi was sitting at an open booth in the dango shop, casually reading his little orange book, when he heard his name.

"Kakashi."

"Jiraiya-sama," he greeted in return.

Jiraiya sat across from his student's student, smiling slightly at Kakashi's choice of literature.

"How is Naruto's training going?"

Kakashi put his book down because he could hear the words underneath the Toad Sannin's inquiry.

"He has been improving, but he had a small set-back a few days ago."

Jiraiya nodded like he had expected this. Kakashi moved to amend.

"I think he's mostly over that now."

"And Haruno Sakura is still helping?"

"Yes."

Jiraiya nodded again, though this time it seemed less like he expected it and more like he was relieved to hear it.

"Well, if he gets too bratty, send him to me."

Kakashi smiled beneath his mask and inclined his head. Jiraiya stood then and walked away, leaving Kakashi to his book.

-

Sakura found Naruto sitting on top of the Hokage monument. She was well-aware that this was the place he always went when he needed to think, and he had been doing that a lot lately.

What Jiraiya had revealed about the Fourth had surprised them both, but Naruto had been more affected. She had never seen him so speechless, and she hadn't been there when Jiraiya had told him. They had been training when Jiraiya had shown up on their obscure field and taken Naruto for a walk. After an hour, Jiraiya had come back without Naruto only to tell Kakashi, Yamato, and Sakura that Naruto's training was over for the day.

Sakura hadn't seen Naruto for two days after that, and neither had anyone else. He would come back eventually, she knew, because he had promised not to run away anymore. Still, she didn't expect him to stifle his instincts overnight. It would take time and patience and proof. However, when she had gotten tired of being worried and when she had realized that no matter how much she bothered Jiraiya he wasn't going to tell her what the purpose of that walk was (all she could get from Jiraiya was a cryptic "He'll tell you when he's ready"), she had gone out to find Naruto on her own, no longer willing to wait complacently while he struggled on his own, because after all, hadn't she also made a promise to him?

When she had found him, he was quiet, withdrawn, and confused. It had taken some effort on her part to find out what was bothering him, and she realized that while he trusted her, he wasn't used to sharing things like this. Even so, she hadn't been prepared for what he told her, nor had she been prepared for how it made her feel.

They had talked about it until the sun set on that day, but Naruto still came back to the monument almost every night, which was why Sakura found herself there now. Naruto was sitting silently, a serious look on his face. Sakura tilted her head.

"I think you look like him," she couldn't help saying.

Naruto looked at her, unsurprised to see her, but he didn't say anything.

"That's a good thing," she reassured him as she sat next to him, rubbing against his shoulder. Naruto remained silent, but he didn't look quite as serious as he had before.

"And… and I think he would be proud of you." Naruto gave her a crooked smile now. Sakura was content with that and neither spoke for a few minutes. In the end it was Naruto who finally broke the silence.

"Sakura-chan?"

"Hm?"

"What's it feel like to a have a family?" Naruto was still smiling, but there was doubt in his eyes and sadness clinging to the corners of his mouth. Sakura looked away to think of an answer.

In all the years she had known Naruto, he had never been particularly poetic with words, but he always had them, always used them to the fullest advantage, even when he was saying the wrong things at the wrong times. It balanced out, she supposed, because he often said the right thing at the right time in a simple way. Sakura knew she didn't have the same ability, but now she needed it, needed _something_. If she couldn't give him the right words, she wanted to give him something tangible, something he could hold onto.

"Like this," she responded. Then Sakura kissed Naruto and it felt like summer rain, deserted beaches, fresh flowers, and clean sheets, like hot chocolate on a cold morning, like the first cherries of spring, like waking up to the smell of breakfast. Good, right, comforting, warm, exciting.

Naruto may have always had words, but Sakura thought it was time for him to have something more.


End file.
